ΕΛ/ΛΑΚ Moodle

There is a fine line to draw in most any online dating relationship as far as what you put in and the direct result you end up with because of your efforts. And people seem to have an intricate instinctual radar detection system that can easily feel out a person’s sincerity, desperation, and a whole slew of other emotions and the motivations behind their behaviors.

Why then do people begin to prey on peoples’ “kindness” like vultures circling the dead possum in the middle of the road, or develop an aversion to it as though the person has suddenly developed a gangrenous flesh-eating sore that’s stuck to the side of their face?

What level of kindness, generosity, and human compassion is just enough to keep a harmonious relationship balanced in which all involved still feel safe and respected? And what happens when the mix is so unbalanced that it renders the relationship doomed to failure?

There are a couple of scientific models and philosophical theories we can sample that might shed some light on how this balance becomes disrupted or how it remains ebbing and flowing harmoniously.

Darwinism

The survival of the fittest. The theory that only the strongest of a species will survive, while the weak or lesser animal will cease to procreate because of their pathetically unviable disposition as a “dud” in the gene pool.

However, we can’t dismiss the value of the lesser and unsuitable just yet. We must relate this theory as it applies to human beings in the context of how they choose to distribute the hierarchy that’s inherent in relationships.

It would be appropriate to conclude that the strongest will almost always use the weakest in some form of servitude.

It has been shown throughout human history, as well as current society, that this theory holds a very reliable amount of water. Just consider 19^th century slavery in the American south, the exploitation of Indonesian child sweatshop workers, and the woman next door who can’t leave her husband who cheats on her and treats her like crap.

Since slavery and exploited child workers isn’t what we’re picking apart here, we’ll use the last example; the doormat woman who continues to serve the needs of a man, who leeches out her pride and self-respect simply because she is too nice and too weak to walk away from him to preserve her self-worth.

The woman is usually never blamed for her role in such a relationship (big mistake), while the man is most always deemed a bottom-feeder, low-life scumbag, who doesn’t have an ounce of moral fiber in his being. Consequently, he is also higher on the rung of the hierarchy ladder in this relationship.

And while the assertions about the man are probably true, we cannot discount the fact that he too, is a lesser constituent competing for survival among the gene pool. Reason being, a man like this will not seek out a strong woman who has a stern backbone, nor would a strong woman settle for the likes of this weaker man.

So we can theorize that a strong woman will seek out a strong man who, according to Darwinism, has developed an ample amount of principled character and nobility. We might also theorize that a strong man of good moral character will not exploit and would be averted by a woman who has no self-respect or sense of self-preservation.

In this case, we might then attribute the weak to be undisciplined (in the case of our doormat woman) and unscrupulous (in the case of our leech of a man), and deem them both unworthy of mixing with the strong, righteous and morally sound members of society. In short and simple terms, birds of feather flock together.

Newton’s Law of Gravity

In a short summarization, the law is defined as “the attractive force between all objects that contain mass”. And the attraction between such objects is dependent on the product/density of the mass the objects contain (i.e. what they equal in force when being pulled together).

In the universe, the gravitational pull exerted by planetary bodies remains constant because the density of the mass they contain is relatively equal. They therefore, achieve an equilibrium that maintains a constant distance between them that disallows them to collide.

However in contrast, when an apple falling from a tree is crashing towards the earth, it is evident that the apple contains much less denser material in opposition to the greater density of the earth. The two then collide and the apple succumbs to an innumerable fate of being sucked away under the earth’s gravitational grip, where it will quickly die and become ingrained in the earth’s soil.

If we are to apply this theory to the model of human relationships, we can theorize that “the attractive force between two people is the product of what good qualities both people bring to the table, versus what bad traits they’re both willing to tolerate”.

This willingness and toleration is gauged by the level of passiveness and the level of resistance exerted by both people. So since our doormat woman has demonstrated that she cannot exert equal force and stand her ground by pulling away, putting this jerk in the doghouse, and ultimately leaving him, then she herself will assume the sad fate of the fallen apple. She will take on a lifeless existence, where she is left to be scavenged by insects and decay (thinking again of our friend, the scumbag), and is left to rot away and be sucked into the clutches of the earth’s remorseless and unmerciful grip.

However, should this woman or any other woman in a bad relationship wake up someday and deem herself worthy enough for something better and realize that being a strong opposing force could very well be her best ally, she might spare herself all the unnecessary anguish and appreciate a real man who might actually treat her with respect.

When we are too nice to certain people, they will take advantage of us and leave us hanging out to dry when we don’t flex an iron will to expect them to do more. It’s up to us to ensure people are not walking all over us, and to put them in check when they do.

Never be so nice to anyone that it makes you feel uncomfortable with yourself and the relationship. And if a person is willing to make you feel uncomfortable, he doesn’t have your best interests at heart.

Are you an apple?