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Sometimes, you think you are progressing well after the break up, but then you hear that special song you shared with your ex Or it might be the same perfume or after shave and instantly, you are reminded of your ex; Waves of intense grief, emptiness, sadness, anger, confusion and a whole lot of other emotions rush through. (If an ex is not in your life, he or she is usually in your mind; it’s an unwritten law!) Then you think to yourself …

“It would be ok if I just call and say Hi.”

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“There’s no harm in meeting him (or her), just this once.”

“I will just send one SMS to see how he or she is doing.”

If you deny this inner voice, you feel as if you are trying to breathe without oxygen. Your fingertips are ready to dance. They want to do the seven-digit waltz to the tune of your ex’s phone number.

So, how can you actually resist such an urge to call your ex? Here are some effective tips that I have used myself and found beneficial.

1. Remove All Memorabilia of Your Ex

You don’t have to throw it out the window (unless you want to!), but box up any photos, mementos, jewelry, stuffed animals, cards, letters, gifts- EVERYTHING. Yes everything means anything that has the slightest possibility of remaindering your of your ex! Put the box as far away as you feel comfortable; a top shelf in the closet, a storage unit, the trash.

If you still believe that the two of you may get back together one day, getting rid of these reminders may not be something you can do on your own. So, ask a close friend to help.

2. Keep Yourself Busy After a Break-Up

After you break up you suddenly feel like you have so much more time on your hands. It’s easy to stay at home or allow yourself to be bored. However, remember that when you are idle, it’s easy for your inner voice to tempt you. So it’s always best to stay busy, which will take your mind off your ex.

3. Don’t Spy On Your Ex Online!

Have you found someone new? Are you still thinking of me?

You are curious and the questions are endless. So you Google your ex, and try to find as much as you can. Just because Google stalking is not as apparent as other spying methods (like checking your ex’s garbage or following your ex around!), it doesn’t mean you should do it.

Internet lurking may feel like a harmless thing to do, but knowing more details about your ex (like whether he or she has moved on, who they are dating etc), might stir up old emotions, which will in turn make you want to call your ex!

4. Catch Yourself Making Excuses to Call Your Ex

In your mind you will find some sort of excuse to call your ex. Whether your house got burned or your cat ran away, don’t call your ex! Drama is not a reason to stir up a phone call to the ex. If you really feeling like you need to talk to someone, call a friend until the feeling passes.

Make a list of activities that you want to do and that don’t remind you of your ex. Start with five to ten things. Every time you think of calling the ex, do one of those activities.

5. Delete Your Ex’s Phone Number From Your Cell Phone!

If you really want to resist the urge to call your ex, then you NEED to do this. Delete your ex’s contact information from your cell phone. It’s much more tempting to call your ex, if you constantly see his or her name in your contact list.

Let go. The break up happened for a reason.

Be realistic about what went wrong. Perhaps, the relationship wasn’t working as well as you wanted to believe and that it is actually for the best that it has ended. When you miss your ex, it’s extremely hard to focus on the “bitter truth”.

So here’s something you don’t want to hear,

It takes two people to make a relationship work and when one person wants out, obviously THAT person is not your soul mate.

You need to cut yourself off emotionally and physically (and psychologically!) from the relationship. The main way to do that is to stop talking to your ex. You have to stay in control, and resist the urge to call your ex.